by Melissa Borgmann-Kiemde, Visitation Companion
It’s Holy Week, and I’m trying to enter into this most sacred time with an empty heart, mind, spirit. But I tell you, it’s hectic. It’s hard to slow down and put away desire, to-do’s, and tune out the news. Yet, here I am. Trying.
Can you even try to fathom the feet of Peter or James or John or Judas? These weren’t nike-wearing brothers, were they?
In my coffee shop meditation, I slide away my cell phone, recognize my ice tea glass is empty, and savor the smell of fresh, hot garlic french fries – for just a minute more – as I try to make way for Holy Thursday’s scripture. As I tune my spirit to focus, I can see: I am like this glass in this moment: empty, cold, waiting to be filled. Yes! I know the flavor of and satisfaction possible through meditation, if I just tune in; I can savor these biblical readings…..
From the USCCB’s website, where I go for online readings, I find “Holy Thursday: Evening Mass for the Lord’s Supper.”
I scan Exodus, I hum the psalm, (and hear my choir mate, Ann Shallbetter singing, “Our blessing-cup is a communion with the Blood of Christ.” ) I linger over St. Paul’s letter to the Corinthians, recognizing the heart of the mass present in Christ’s instructive prayer. I pause and hold on the central image in John’s gospel:
He took a towel and tied it around his waist.
Then he poured water into a basin
and began to wash the disciples’ feet
and dry them with the towel around his waist.
And now I am still.
A towel.
A basin of water.
Feet.
Christ washing His disciples’ feet.
I want to be Christ’s hands. I want to wash those feet. I want to be a disciple. I want to know what it’s like to have Jesus pour water over me.
I think of this act literally. Fingers, hands, immersed in water, maybe soap, and then touching another’s skin. Ankles, toes, soles of feet. Are there callouses? Can you even try to fathom the feet of Peter or James or John or Judas? These weren’t nike-wearing brothers, were they? I don’t think so. Sandal-clad gents with exposed toes, me thinks. Dusty. A little salt and sand and dirt under the toe nails. Is it necessary that I go this far in my meditation? It’s where my brain takes me. I don’t push these images out, but let them carry me to this place, this room where He is.
I want to be Christ’s hands. I want to wash those feet. I want to be a disciple. I want to know what it’s like to have Jesus pour water over me.
It’s humbling, this exercise of prayer and imagination. For a minute I’m in Jerusalem, it’s warm, and I’m a robe-and-sandal-sporting fellow present in Christ’s company (far removed from this Grand Avenue, St. Paul coffee shop.) I am seated. I am in awe at what I’m witnessing. My heart is on fire with a desire to do just this: serve. I marvel at this man, my friend, Jesus, who has gotten down to clean our feet.
Who does such a thing? A mother? A nurse? Someone whose ego allows such a bowed, bent stance?
I will carry this feeling of awe, humility and desire with me this day. I will pray that the proximity afforded me in my imaginings of Christ will keep me near Him in his journey to the garden, to Golgotha, the cross and to the tomb. I will pray that my Easter journey be aligned beyond this week’s holy re-enactments and continue to inspire my work as a Lover, Follower, Teacher, Visitation Companion.
Will you join me in this prayer?
Happy Holy Thursday!
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4 Comments
Betty Lou Miller · April 20, 2011 at 2:30 pm
I enjoyed this imaginative journey to be Christ and to be his disciple.
When thinking of the bent over position, I was reminded of last Saturday when I had the requested task to do: the kneelers need wiping. I said ok. About 146 kneelers later, in up, down, over, bent stretching that many times, my body felt the effects. After doing half of them, I was inspired to do the other half, realizing that I was on the way to the goal. It actually seemed easier, as I perfected by technique.
Today, in retrospect, I connect it with your journey, and think, this may be the last time these kneelers get the wiping. I think of the human kneelers who have been on their knees for the last decades here at CSP. I feel the connection. I feel privileged. Kneel-ers; pray-ers.
sr. suzanne homeyer · April 20, 2011 at 6:09 pm
nice post, melissa….no nike? and betty lou, thanks for doing the kneelers!
sr. suzanne, visitation
Melissa · April 20, 2011 at 8:02 pm
Thank you, Blessed women, for your responses. I’ve had an email inbox full of comments; yet it’s a treat to read your thoughts here at the website. Betty Lou: You are a saint! Thank you for this awesome image and prayerful position you take/ took in completing your task.
Blessings on your Holy Thursdays! May your Triduums know the grace of God.
Love,
Melissa
Betty Lou Miller · April 20, 2011 at 9:54 pm
I have you to thank for turning the task into a prayer; it happened upon reflecting. While doing it, I was wondering where was the help we requested for weeks in the bulletin. But there is a certain satisfaction, completing such a large task by comparison to doing many smaller ones at home. A friend chided me for trying to earn sainthood by doing this. That hadn’t occurred to me. I was just trying to do my part.
Blessings to you and Sr. Suzanne and all of the north-side community as we journey with Jesus in his trials and betrayals and ultimate sacrifice. And then to celebrate the triumph over death, as Jesus’ beneficiaries!